so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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