when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
