I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
