I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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