I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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