dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
