Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
