Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
