I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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