Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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