and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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