I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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