You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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