do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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