Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
