Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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