I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
