Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
