If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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