so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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