If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
