You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize