my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
