Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
