Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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