I hope mine doesn't look like that
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
