if you like me you must not know who I am
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
