Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
