mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
