I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
