I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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