Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
