I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
