I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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