found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
