Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
