I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
