Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
