tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
