On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
