She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
