I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
