if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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