if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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