Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
