come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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