Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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