so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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