So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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