i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
